Sloths 'r Us
Thank you to everyone that submitted your sloth report. I understand that most of them were late, but given our status as champion lollygaggers, this is actually to be commended.
Some highlights from the toddler section:
Kudos to all of you that have successfully managed to stall by at least 15 minutes when leaving the house. By far, the number one tactic is a last-minute poopy diaper. Those that were able to hold it until your mommy's hand was actually turning the front door get a gold star. Additional methods used include needing time to gather every toy in the house for the trip, claiming you suddenly need a nap, repeatedly taking off your shoes and finding a long-lost cracker that can only be consumed while lying down on the floor.
Just as a reminder, getting to the car is only half the battle. Many of you seem to have forgotten nothing happens until you are fully strapped into the carseat, so use this extra time to your advantage. Claiming a need to climb in by yourself, especially when your hands are full, can buy you precious minutes of non-productive time. Be sure to meticulously check under all the seats for any forgotten or dropped toys that you will surely not be able to live without for the next 30 seconds. This next move takes practice, but if you are quick, you can scoot over the center console to explore the front seat while your adult is untangling the straps on your carseat yet again (remember, always twist on your way out!). At the least, you should feign innocent curiosity and not move until you are allowed to touch something in the front. And then touch it again. And then have your adult touch it.
Here's a great tip that recently came in: why move if you don't have to? Inexplicably standing still saves energy and will bring your adult to new levels of frustration. For an ideal, "what the...?" reaction, implement this device when you actually want to go somewhere. The mystified look on your mommy's face when she knows you want to go see trains, yet will not move to get there, is priceless. For an additional use, try it in a public place to see the streams of people flow around you.
How can you bring your sloth lifestyle into everyday situations? Check out this month's newsletter for ideas. Our favorite? Rules for buckles. Be sure you have some arbitrary rules for when and how you can buckle yourself into a car, stroller, booster seat or anything else. You'll find many opportunities throughout the day. Breaking these rules must result in an ear-splitting, time-wasting tantrum so change them up frequently and don't give in until they are properly followed each time.
In all, everyone had some great performances. To date, we've lost 16% of overall productive time and our adults have been an average of 27 minutes late to all functions. It's only mid-year but we're already close to the 30-minute mark! Bed times are running 42 minutes later and meals take almost 10% longer. Keep up the good work!
