License to ill

I have long had a stance against licensed character merchandise for children. I did not like the idea before I had one and that hasn't changed after having G-man. In fact, I flat-out hate them for the baby/toddler set.

There are so many reasons I find them so wrong. For starters, the majority of licensed character items marketed to young children are from television shows. Which, if you've been paying attention, I don't agree with kids under 2 watching at all, and toddlers/preschoolers older than that shouldn't be watching too much either. So why is Nemo on the small swim diaper? Winnie the Pooh on the teether? The Backyardigans on a size 3 sandal? Why on earth are the majority of 1st birthday decorations Elmo or Dora or Disney? These kids aren't supposed to know who the characters are yet! If they do love them as their parents will exclaim, I can only assume it's because they've had plenty of time to make friends in front of the TV.

Ah, now this is where you say that assumption is totally wrong! And you're right. The character merchandising is so rampant that kids really don't have to see the show to know the personality or at least be familiar with something resembling that shape and color. The G-man knew of Elmo because we received a sippy cup at our baby shower with the high-pitched muppet on it. And by the time he was old enough to use it, he had seen Elmo books at PDO, Elmo toys at friends homes and Elmo's face plastered on the shirts of pals practically from day one.

So this licensed character stuff is really insidious and taking over our children in general, and pushing towards my kiddo in particular, at an alarming rate.

Today I wanted to buy the G-man an electric toothbrush. However, the only options I had were Thomas the Tank Engine, Disney Princesses or Toy Story. Similar to the last time I bought him one when I had to pick Pokemon as the most likely thing he would not have seen before. How come I can't just buy a green one? Or a generic train? Or something with a ladybug on it?

The same goes for the toothpaste - Thomas or Baby Einstein. The only watershoes in his size were Spiderman. Earth's Best snacks are all Sesame Street. Most mass-merchandise brand name diapers have a well-known cartoon face on the ass. Try as I might, I've found a vast array of baby/toddler necessities that only come as a licensed character.

Everything is so compartmentalized and categorized for our convenience. There are no generics when it comes to kids preferences. They are simply steered to whatever character comes closest to that week's obsession. Kid likes trains? Your option is Thomas. Likes race cars? Here are a zillion items, but all with the Cars theme. Want a tiara for dress up? Choose Ariel or Belle, or better yet, both so your kid will know they are loved.

I know it's too much to ask that G-man not be exposed to the kind of marketing that makes him choose a fruit snack simply because the Wonder Pets are on it or demand that I get him a kid's meal because Shrek 18 told him to. After all, this is the real world, and part of navigating it will be to learn the pros and cons of licensed characters and what they offer.

As an adult, I have a Sesame Street shirt, a secret love for Hello Kitty and a passion for things with a NY Yankees license. But I also have an idea of what else is out there and the ability to make (occasional) rational decisions. Yet I wonder if I'm sending G-man the wrong message with the wrong reasons.

Or maybe, I really just need to lighten up. I bet there is a package of Spongebob edamame left in the freezer that would take my mind off of it.

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You're the next contestant

I used to say that sometimes I feel like I'm living on Candid Camera. Often, the things that I saw/experienced just couldn't be real life. Lately, I still get that on-camera feeling, but it's a different kind of game show: Guess that Word!

The G-man's speech is coming along pretty well and I think I can understand about 95% of what he's saying, mostly because I get the context. As for others, I'd like to think they understand him 70% of the time. So that leaves some, um, dead air. And that's where the game begins!

Recently we were walking Tino and from the stroller I hear, "Boo men gen." Yeah, I didn't get it either. So I asked him to repeat it. "Boomgin." What? "Boo gen!" I stop, lean towards him and try again, paying close attention to his lips. "Boomtzgen!" Ok, this isn't working. Then I notice he has his blue water cup and it's empty. So, in a flash of brilliance, I say, "Blue again! Oh honey, I'm sorry, we don't have any water but I'll get you more in your blue cup as soon as we get home."

My prize? He looks up at me and his eyes say...my mom is a moron.

The crestfallen look on his face shows that I have obviously blown this one. Then, I notice behind us that we have passed the quickly-deflating balloons on the sign for the school carnival. For the second time that morning. Balloons again! Balloons again! That's what he was saying!

With confidence, I ask him, "Did we go by the balloons again?" And he smiles and nods enthusiastically. I win!

Now, guess what he was saying the day I thought he was telling me about a flamingo...

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Who's on third?

For two visits in a row now, I've been dinged by our Parents as Teachers parent educator (hereby known as Janet) for not working with the G-man on his pronouns. According to her, he should be making strides on using first-person words and learning about the second-person but well, he's not. And a lot of it is my fault. I really haven't put any time into it. Part of it is laziness and part of it is habit, which I guess is kind of laziness, too.

In the beginning, I actually made a conscious effort to use his name instead of "you/your." For one, I thought this would teach him his name. After all, I've been doing it with the dog for years and after eight of them, he seems to get the picture. But I continued because I realized we were using it a lot when he was being admonished, including the ever popular first name-middle name combo for emphasis (which one of his friends used today when she wanted his attention - too cute). I thought he should know that his name is a good thing, so I used it heavily in praising him and just telling him nice things about who he is.

Well, turns out that it's easy to keep referring to him in the third person, and I can't stop! As a result, he can't either. He's started to sneak in an occasional "I" but mostly, it's "G-man have that?" "That's G-man's." "G-man eating." You get the picture.

I think he even believes that "you" is another person. As in:

"No mommy talk to ladies."

"I'm not talking to ladies, I'm talking to you." (um, I'm lying)

"No mommy talk you. Mommy talk G-man."

But Janet, I promise that now Scott and I are both trying a little harder to refer to ourselves as I and me instead of just mommy and daddy and use pronouns with G-man. But if on your next visit he seems to think a weird kid named "you" is living with us, please just humor us for another month or so.

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Television post, part deux

Ok, so my last post (really long ago, sorry about that) talked about how the G-man doesn't have the patience for or interest in television. That still hasn't changed, but I'm also still working on it. I often cruise the kiddie channels while he's asleep to see what types of shows are on and what he might like to watch. If I find something, I watch/DVR it to see what happens. So far, we've struck out on forming a bond with most of the shows, but I have been able to form some opinions of my own. Following is my version of "At the Remote."

For starters, I should tell you my criteria. Probably different from G-man's, but that's what makes me the mommy. A lot of my own criticism is based on some recent research about how TV can harm our children. Turns out, the content is one of the least of our worries. Sure, many parents will tell you that Diego taught their kid to count in Spanish, Winnie the Pooh has turned selfish into sharing or how without World Word, little snowflake wouldn't know her ABCs. I get it, there are some real learning opportunities on TV. (I also get that with a little interaction and imagination, you can teach them these things, too.)

So what's the big deal? It's what is going on behind the scenes. No, not commercials, but rather what's going on inside your child's mind. The first few years of life are a time of explosive brain growth and unparalleled brain mapping. Your baby's brain is forming its connections and it's using all of the data input around it to do so. It needs a 3D context to put everything together correctly. How is data being stored without the context of smell, temperature, location? As adults, we understand pretend and we understand how to make the leap between a palm tree on TV and the concept of the beach. The G-man doesn't yet but his brain is trying to find a connection and categorize it.

The production of the show plays heavily into whether or not it's appropriate. I don't care what the story is about or if a famous person is today's guest star if the format does more harm than good. If TV is on at all for little ones, we should be exposing them to slow transitions, not rapid fire scene changes or abrupt switches. This helps them see how we get from one stage to the next. Studies show children respond better to shows with a lot of repetition and singing to foster memory. Plus, they should see more "real" children (not puppets or cartoons or even adults). Sadly, many of the most popular preschooler shows do not meet these criteria.

With that in mind, here finally, are my reviews:

Yo Gabba Gabba

Ok, I love it. It's like crack, and I think the writers are high on it for every episode. But is it appropriate? Um, not really. Mainly because of the quick movement and psychedelic shifts. I like that it uses a lot of songs, although it can be kind of hard to understand the words through the characters' voices. I would be fine with the G-man watching this as he gets older. Kids shows don't have to be syrupy or beige and Yo Gabba Gabba gets it.

Oswald

Yep, I love this one, too! That octopus is too damn cute and I adore his world and friends. The story lines are lovable and creative and I feel good watching it. In fact, I watched it before G-man was born. It moves slowly and seems like something that won't rot his brain. If only he would watch it.

Chuggington

This gets a thumbs down from both of us. G-man used to like it, for the first 4 days it was on. Then he thankfully came to his senses and cries if it's on. I was originally on-board with the idea. A train show that wasn't Thomas the Tank Engine! Thank god. But the first time I watched it I realized it was too much for us. Tons of movement and cutaways just in the opening song. Then the voices that always seem to be shouting make you want to pierce your eardrums. It's too overdone and seems made for marketing. And in the end, the stories suck, too.

Dinosaur Train

I have hopes for this when G-man is older. It's not right for him at the moment - a little too advanced in concept and environmental situations (how can his brain relate to a jurassic volcano?), lots of teeth that scare him - but for a cartoon, it's informative. No songs but I noticed G-man really liked the end of each episode where they show a real paleontologist with kids. He definitely prefers live action, as he should.

The Wiggles

Shoot me. Shoot me now. While G-man may briefly go into a trance when it comes on, he snaps out of it and we can all go back to our lives. For the criteria, it does meet some of them - some slower scenes with more camera pans than cuts, real people (albeit adults), tons of songs with repetitive phrases. But on a purely emotional level, I hate it.

Thomas the Tank Engine

Last and certainly least, who thinks this is a good show?! Possibly one of the worst I've seen. The characters are brats, the story lines have no beginning/middle/end, no real lessons taught to the kids or learned by the trains. The books are just as bad. I can't believe they even get published. Many lack consistency or simply make zero sense! As for watching it, it's a snooze-fest that still relies on back-and-forth scene changes. Oddly enough, G-man will NOT watch this and can barely tolerate the books, but he does love the actual trains we have. Score one for commercialism.

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