A budding foodie

Dear mommy,

Recently, I overheard you and daddy talking about my sudden surge in eating habits. While I admit that I may not have been much of a calorie-intake machine these first two years, don't get too sure of yourselves just because I've allowed a few bites of food to pass my lips.

I get the impression you think the rules of G-man don't apply any more and that I'm going to squeal with delight the next time that samosa casserole appears before me or willingly dig in to some moo-shu on a first attempt. With that in mind, I think we need a refresher course on my main food groups, plus what and when acceptable foods may grace my plate and my palate.

Ice Cream

I cannot stress this enough: the main source of my daily food requirements should come from ice cream, all the time. Ice cream is appropriate for breakfast, lunch, dinner and all snacking opportunities. If asked what I want to eat, ice cream will be the answer. Don't ask if you don't plan to serve that. And seriously, why wouldn't you serve it? Don't you want me to be happy?

Sauce

I like sauce. And dips. In fact, I like these so much, you don't need to serve anything to dip into them; I can use my finger. But if you insist, don't expect me to eat the carrot, fry or god help you, chik'n. I'm simply going to lick the sauce off the dipping vehicle. As for what constitutes a sauce, I'll be the judge of that. Of course, BBQ sauce is working well, but don't stifle my creativity when I dunk a green bean in my milk or a dog hair in my syrup.

Peas

Yeah, I like peas. Want to make something of it? But take note, I prefer them still frozen.

Applesauce

Applesauce is an acceptable lunch. Not as a side, but as the main and only course. And yes, it also counts as a true dipping sauce if something else dares be served with it. I will decide when the applesauce is no longer to appear anywhere near me, probably as soon as you stockpile enough to last through a nuclear winter. As for cinnamon, if you've already put some on there, the bowl will go to the cat. If not, I'll want it. Until you put it on there.

Breakfast Bars

They're not just for breakfast anymore. In the inexplicable event ice cream is not served, a breakfast bar will be the replacement. They should be available at any time, anywhere. If I open the diaper bag, I'd better find one there. In the car after parents day out? Don't even talk to me until the wrapper is off. And here's a lifesaving tip - DO NOT TOUCH MY WRAPPER.

Carrots

I will eat carrots from other people. Not from you. Even if they are the exact same - same brand, same store, same preparation. Don't take it personally, but, um, it is.

Last but not least, feel free to serve me pizza. No special requirements. No special brand. Hot or cold, you can consider this a freebie. In fact, a perfect day would be pizza, ice cream and breakfast bars for all three meals. Throw in a juice box and maybe I'll even let you touch the red train. Maybe.