Lose the battle to win the war

Pick your battles. This is a consistent bit of advice I pick up from all the parenting mags and site experts. If your li'l guy wants to wear a tutu, on his head, everywhere he goes, let him. If your princess will only drink out of a green cup, make sure it's always clean and ready. Don't sweat the small stuff and you'll get more cooperation for the big stuff. This is supposed to cut down on tantrums and foster independence.

You know what? This actually make sense.

The G-man has to do a lot of things every day that he doesn't want to do simply because I said so. Sunscreen? Non-negotiable. Diaper change? Yep, it's happening now. Dinner? Pony up to the table. He's told he can't have his paci, can't have more juice, no climbing the couch, put shoes on, don't draw on mommy's desk, no train video right now, get in the car, get in the stroller, time for a nap, come inside, share with others...the list goes on and on.

C'mon, who wouldn't want to exercise a little control and make some choices for himself? It's my job to make sure he has those opportunities, whether or not it's the choice I would have made. (Um, within reason, of course! One caveat - if you give them choices, make all of the options something you are ok with. No chocolate vs. hamburger for dinner.)

One thing I didn't think about was to make sure your spouse agrees with which battles to fight and which to surrender for the good of the war.

Today, the hot button issue was G-man's choice of music in the car. Like many toddlers, he has an arbitrary and ambiguous decision chain that leads him to love and/or hate specific things and change his mind at the drop of a hat. (Note: he does not like hats.) This week, G-man is in love with one song, and one song only. He requests this be the only song played in the car and it must be on at all times. The good news? It's not a kid's song. It's actually some techno from Scott's ipod by DJ Tiesto. The better news? After a while, techno is really easy to tune out. And there is no need for mommy to have to sing along. Set the ipod to repeat and forget about it.

So while the DJ spun our morning trip to drop Scott off at work, there was a heated discussion in the front seats about whether or not G-man had too much control. My opinion - it doesn't bother me to play his song and it's a little thing in his day to make him happy. Scott's opinion - I'm letting a 2-year-old walk all over me. He even went so far as to say if G-man has discipline issues later, it's my fault (yes friends, this sparked another battle).

But really, who is right? If I give in to G-man on some of these things, like losing control of my radio and turning it over to a wee program director, am I doing him - and me - a disservice? Or is this one of those little battles that ultimately keeps peace in the kingdom?