How do you say "play group" in Italian?

Last year, I wrote about the panic I had taking the G-man to Philadelphia via plane. Turns out, some of it was justified as our return flight was practically a PSA for why toddlers shouldn't be allowed on an aircraft. I also mentioned the sheer volume of items we brought along (we needed a pack mule and a sherpa) to amuse him for the 3.5 hour flight, plus time spent in the airport. 

Friends, it's about to get worse. We're traveling again this year, on almost exactly the same dates. This time he'll be 12 months older, but we'll going 12X farther. Ok, that's a bit of an exaggeration, but we really are looking at hauling a 2-year old on a journey where the combined travel time of airport layovers and flights is 20 HOURS. One way. 

Alert the media, Interpol and Hillary Clinton: the G-man is invading Europe.

Why are we doing this? Insanity. That is my defense now and will be at any ensuing trials.

The other reason is that my brother - who not only lives in his own universe but has such a shaky grasp on the reality of those around him that he's practically a sociopath - is getting married in Italy.

I knew an overseas wedding was in the works, but I'm still woefully under-prepared. For one, this is a freakin' investment. If the G-man doesn't get to go to college, we might look back on this as the financial turning point. My parents offered to pay part of a trip like this for us a few years ago and we put it off because even part of the cost is more than we were ready to spend. Now we're on the hook with only 9 months to get it together. In 9 months I could give the G-man a sibling and still not spend as much!

Ok, so that's panic #1. I'm pretty much getting over it as I know I don't want to miss this wedding for anything.

Panic #2: Traveling! Yikes. Honestly, part of my brain has not processed this information yet and refuses to think about the scale, and logistics, of this adventure. I'm sure I'll wake up one night soon in a cold sweat as the information finally penetrates my defenses (one of them being how I have the theme song to CHiPs stuck playing in my head) and the planning wheels will start turning. Until then, I have basic issues: what the hell will we do with him on the flights? Can we bring enough toys/supplies/clothing/food for small settlement camp? Do I need to schlep his carseat to Italy? Do I bring his immunization records with me? What he has a huge growth spurt right before we go and looks nothing like his passport?

Finally, there is Panic #3. This isn't really a vacation! He's two. Never would I willingly take a 2-year old to Italy. In reality, it's going to be a pain in the ass. My brother is looking into things like a football match in Rome, sightseeing tours, etc. for everyone that's going. Really? Like we are going to get to do that? Oh sure, I'll try to get G-man to a museum or something but you can be damn sure he won't appreciate it and we'll be so edgy that nothing will register for us. He's not even going to see any humor in the Leaning Tower of Pisa. We're envisioning a nightmare of non-babyproofed places, a schedule that's completely out of whack, no chance for us to enjoy anything and tantrums they'll be able to hear in Greece. What I really need my brother to do is find an Italian Gymboree. 

Is this basically a waste of money and time where we can say we've been to Italy but didn't get to experience it? If it wasn't for the travel jet lag, I'd honestly arrive the day before the wedding and leave the day after. (Although I would like to spend oodles of time with my brother.) Instead, we will grin and bear it for almost a week.

No wait, it isn't a waste. There's an excellent reason we are going. This event isn't about us, it's about my brother and soon-to-be sister-in-law. Two awesome people I'm quite fond of who will be getting married. MARRIED! And they want to us to share in that moment with them. So cool. It's an honor.

Plus, the stuff they are doing to help organize people's trips and give them a good time is really, really nice. I didn't consult them when I decided to have the G-man and it's not their fault we have a 2-year-old when they want to get married. Contrary to what he may tell you, life does not revolve around my little one.

Oh, and my brother also mentioned having G-man as the ring bearer. In a Yankees uniform. Double cool. I'm guessing that gets vetoed pretty quickly though.

Look for more freak out posts to come as we don't leave until the end of August. Until then, ciao!