To hell and back

Last week, I noticed that a few of my Facebook friends became fans of Babies 'R Us (BRU according to the forums). The link was right there for me to click to become a fan as well...I barely had to move to do it...just click and voila! I would be an official fan.

I didn't click.

But, for a few moments, I thought about it.

After all, I've spent A LOT of both time and money there. Wouldn't that make me a fan? Yet, every time I do, I think about how I hate that place. Seriously? Hate is a pretty strong word, especially for something as trivial as a store.

Let's start with its location. When I was still in my "hell no, I'm never having a child" phase (which lasted 33 years) I hated the presence of BRU. When it moved from being 15 minutes away from me to 30 minutes away, I cheered. After all, I was never going to be in its neighborhood again.

And then I started my journey with the G-man. And dammit, I was pissed that it was no longer serving my area and I had to haul my ass that far just to wander around and be overwhelmed.

That's when I discovered it's a money-suck. Anyone who has ever complained about spending too much, seemingly by accident, at Costco hasn't stepped into BRU. It's impossible to go in there for something as simple as a pacifier and not drop a benjamin. Or two. If Dante had seen this, there would be a new level of hell. The experience is designed to make you think your baby will die (now! right now!) if you don't get this. In two sizes. And three colors. Because why would they carry it if you didn't need it?

Of course all these items fit into your handy plastic purple cart. It's just the cart that doesn't fit in the store! The main aisles are kind of large enough, but two pregnant tummies and two carts is pushing it. But when you get off the main and into clothing and accessories you are trapped. I think that's why I've purchased so much - I've either tried to clear a path back out or so many things got knocked off and stuck to my cart in passing that they all ended up at the register. I'm guessing there are a lot of security videos that show me attempting a seven-point turn to get around a display, vainly trying to reverse out of a sweater dead-end or risking my child's life with a cart tip maneuver to cut a corner.

And get this, they don't open until 9:30. Nine freakin' thirty. Do they know that's like the middle of the day for moms? I've seen the 9:00 parking lot - minivans everywhere, moms mainlining coffee, eyes glued to the door in case they take pity and open early. We finally managed to make it out of the house and there's nowhere to go.

So now maybe you're thinking that if I don't like it, I don't have to shop there.

Ah, but I do.

Or think I do. Good advertising? No, it just turns out the G-man needed a LOT of stuff and they had it. At least, they have something like it. One thing they really do well is understand that moms don't like going to multiple places. The hassle of getting in and out of car seats, in and out of carts, in and out of check-out lines makes even a simple errand a true chore and comparison shopping for price out of the question. So if BRU has something even close to what I want, I'll take it.

If Target had a better baby selection, that would be a no-brainer, but I think its selection gets smaller by the day. The G-man doesn't.

Boutique shops? Boutique prices. And they never have enough boy stuff!

So once every other month or so, I'm back at BRU to sign over my retirement fund and stock up. Is that why I can't be a fan? Because I feel there is no alternative?

Wait, the online alternative! But guess what? I end up shopping BRU.com anyway. Amazon simply has way too much and no one else has near enough to cover the cost of shipping.

But it is more convenient, open when I am and I'm not as tempted to buy little extras that all add up. Plus, I'm safe from the carts there. Maybe I could be a fan of that.