Is your mommy developing on track?

I get countless emails and have many conversations on G-man's development. You know the ones, all about the milestones he should be reaching, how to encourage them and when to raise a red flag. Everything from rolling over to jumping, eating with a spoon to drawing a circle is tracked somewhere and given an acceptable range for completion. We just had his 2-year assessment from Parents As Teachers and of course, he's awesome. But I had to wonder, what would it be like if the Parent Educator asked G-man about his parent's development? 

I'm picturing he has materials like this stashed under his crib mattress so he can compare with the other babies/toddlers:

2 days old - Do your parents have a name for you yet? If not, don't worry, 90% of them will before you go home. It's common for you to not like it.

1 week old - Can your parents remember the name they gave you? Many do very well on this while others may revert to what you were called before arriving (eg peanut, bug, bump) or what they think they named you. Don't worry if there is a period of adjustment.

2 months old - Has either parent tried to put you down for a nap? This is an age where many feel their arms should take a break. Don't let them fall into bad habits. Work on a sensitivity to crib sheets.

3 months old - Can your mommy take your temperature? If you're not sure, work up a fever or start thinking about teeth so she can practice. Most should have been freaked out enough to do this by now. This is also an excellent way to ensure she has your pediatrician's number memorized.

6 months old - Have your parents moved you to your own crib/room yet? If not, you may begin encouraging them by rolling around relentlessly or waking at their slightest movement.

8 months old - Does your mommy have any clean clothes or items without baby food stains? Most are covered by 10 months, but if not, you may need to step up your spitting or food launches. A good tactic is to grab the bowl as just she tries to remove it and fling some food out while she wrestles your hand away. Close range is important.

12 months old - Can your parent still make a phone call while holding you? This is a bad habit for them to be in. Practice your own fine motor skills by pushing the buttons while they talk.

15 months old - Does your mommy know the track number of your favorite songs on each CD? Can she anticipate your need to repeat the same songs over and over before you ask? 

18 months old - Feeling lonely? Many parents start testing your independence by leaving you alone for a bit to play. This is just a phase - a few well-timed falls or broken items will get them back to your side 24/7 again. Remember, it is your job to develop their all-consuming attachment to you.

20 months old - What happens when you say mommy or daddy? Many, if not all parents will have their hearts melt and fulfill your every wish afterwards.

22 months old - Your parents should have a large supply of toddler foods on hand, including french fries, cereal bars and butter. Choose to eat only these items to encourage repeat buying habits.

24 months old - Can your mommy multi-task? By this time, she should have given up on what she wants for what you want so you can expand your demands to things like making you a smoothie while putting together a puzzle and holding you.

Keep in mind that all parents are not the same and these are simply guidelines for accomplishment. If you feel your mommy is behind or needs extra training, talk to your doctor or ask for a sibling that can help speed up the process.