Because I said so

Exactly when did I lose control? When the G-man was a baby, I determined our food, environment, what we were both going to wear and what we were going to do. Now, even though I'm pretty sure I'm still the parent, it's the G-man that's calling the shots.

I am now told what song we will listen to; what food I will serve; whether or not we are going to story time; which shoes are acceptable (hint: none); where I will sit; who I will talk to; and what we are going to play, plus how to do it. All because he said so.

And I let it all happen.

I think at some point, when he was first discovering who he was and that he could express desires, I thought it was cute. And probably layered that with some blah, blah, blah about his developmental process and growing independence. Oh, he wants this to be the mommy chair. Of course, how adorable. Look at that, he has a favorite book. Let's read it 100 times just to see him smile.

Um, too much? Too much.

A benevolent dictator, he gives me a loving look as he proclaims, "no mommy hat" and takes my hat, that I'm definitely using at the moment, off of my head. Immediately upon demand, I am required to hand over any and all food that I might want to possibly put in my mouth and am expected to not say anything when he decides the dog or the floor is more worthy of its nutrition. If I have been ordered to play with Green Train, I'd damn well better not touch Blue Train. Violate any of his rules, go against any demand, and suffer the consequences.

He's two! Like he's got the mad skillz for any consequences. What, a booger on my leg?

Think more in terms of global meltdown, tantrum frenzy, the inability to do anything else for the next 5-15 minutes while the shrieking/throwing/tears keep coming.

The odd thing is, it's not just me under his spell. At Xmas dinner with my parents, he suddenly uttered one word and declared, "Pie." Never mind that I was still eating my meal; oh no, the whole family sprung into action to clear the table and get the boy some pie. Which, incidentally, he simply uses as a vehicle for his main goal of whipped cream consumption. I've seen his every whim catered to by restaurant servers, Costco shoppers and adult friends in a trance. We've all been brainwashed. How did he do it?

Obviously, he had help. He's not alone in his world domination. His friends command and expect the same results. I've found myself in a fog as I put up no resistance when other toddlers come up to me and want to be held. A simple hand near mine and all at once I'm being led to god knows where by someone 34" tall. I've sat where his friends have selected, played with what they wanted me to, and basically abandoned all pretense of being in charge. And all without putting up a fight.

I'm assuming that at some point, the ball will be back in my court and I will regain control over my life, and maybe even some of his. But for now, think of me as a full-size mommy puppet.