License and registration please, ma'am

Ok, I'll admit it: a few months ago I caught my first episode of Supernanny (on WE. Or was it Oxygen? Either way, don't ask why I was there...) and have been watching it ever since.

There are many things I can relate to, and some I'm just dreading coming up that I see when she visits older children, and Scott and I have sometimes come away with a plan or idea to improve things in the family. We're not perfect parents - remember when we forgot to feed G-man breakfast? - and don't mind learning, especially from the comfort of our sofa.

But there are many episodes where we end up feeling like we are AWESOME(!) because, damn, some of these parents are complete idiots.

Why is it you need a driver's license, a marriage license, a liquor license, but no freakin' parenting license?! I'm starting to feel the pre-baby parenting classes should be a requirement and let's start thinking about a mandatory refresher course every few years. Or just a quick pop-in by the parenting police to see how things are going.

I'm not saying they can't find some dust in the house, a stash of cookies, a preschooler that doesn't speak French yet. Just some basics. I imagine the interview going something like this:

"Do you know where your kids are? As in, right now? Yes, I mean all of them. Our records show three. Did you know that?"

"I see, and now that little Mary is two, have you ever taken her anywhere besides the mall?"

"Do you realize that just because your kitchen knives are pretty colors, they are not toys?"

"Will bedtime be happening sometime before midnight? Oh, well, of course, I understand that the Late Show is educational. Just something to think about."

And so on.

How is it some of these parents have managed to keep their kids alive when they clearly aren't all together? The ones with kids ranging from 1-4 that have never baby proofed and seem surprised to see the video playback of their child poking electrical sockets, climbing cabinets and peering into the toilet. In four years, three kids and you didn't think of this?! How about the parents that couldn't keep their 3-year-old from leaving the house and running into the street? They were truly shocked that they could simply lock the front door to solve the problem.

We've seen footage of parents that never get off the couch and wonder why their boys are bored and acting up. Moms who won't let little ones ever get dirty. Over-scheduled wunderkids that are so frazzled they can't relax. Dads that never come home from work (or play). Parents that look so out of place just being near their kids. Entire families that have given up on themselves.

So many of the kids problems really turn out to be the parents' issues. (Kind of like the Dog Whisperer where I know a lot of Tino's, um, quirks are my fault.) I guess those episodes simply remind us not to slip and forget that we signed up to be real parents, not just providers of food and shelter. Thanks, Supernanny!

And now, the G-man would like to have a word with you about sharing your Time Out policy with us.