Would you like that order to go?

Baby food commercials look like fun. Baby sits in a chair, lightly covered with non-staining food, smiling as mom offers another tasty bite. Nutritious! Delicious! Totally false.

Ok, maybe not totally, but still they set an unrealistic expectation. Yes, I've had meals where G-man really did open his mouth for more, cleaned his plate and didn't end up looking like he'd been dropped in a pig trough. But that's not the majority of the time.

The books say all food should be served while they are in the high chair/booster seat/whatever and when it's thrown, the meal is over. So much easier said than done! For starters, you have to feed these things constantly - breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, maybe even an evening snack. Oh, and you're not supposed to give them things like water, juice or milk within an hour before their next noshing extravaganza because that could ruin their appetite. That means, they are pretty much eating/drinking something at all times. And have I mentioned toddlers don't want to be cooped up in that chair for long? You try wrangling them in every hour or so and see how cheerful your house is.

As for the thrown food, maybe when an adult starts tossing food you're pretty sure they are done with it, but not with this kid. It's a sport for him. Give him two pieces of something and he'll (maybe) eat one and (definitely) throw the other. Part of it is entertainment while the dog and cats circle like sharks and part of it is just that he likes to see where things land. Gravity appears to be the most amazing thing to him. Plus, when he's free, if there is any left, he will eat what's on the floor! He's still hungry, just didn't want table service.

Besides the furry feeding frenzy, he has two other favorite tricks: 

One bite G-man: The kid takes one bite of anything, even things he likes, and tosses the rest. One bite of nugget, gone with the rest. One bite of waffle, poof! the remainder hits the floor. To get him to eat the equivalent of one fry, I'd have to give him six. I try to give him small bite pieces to begin with, but he enjoys the chomp and would find a way to nibble part of a sesame seed and pitch the rest.

Chew, but don't swallow: It's in his mouth! He's chewing! He's enjoying it! He's, uh, taking it out and throwing it away. It's like his own weird eating disorder where he just doesn't feel like he needs to make the extra effort of swallowing. If a second bite is offered before the first is headed for tummyland, whatever is left in his mouth is now on the floor and the new and improved piece is tucked in his cheek, destination still unknown.

Since he's underweight - not even on the percentile charts any more - I think a lot about what to feed him and how much he ate. And this is why I tend to break the cardinal rule on a weekly basis. I let G-man eat wherever he's most apt to put something in his mouth. This means it's not always (gasp!) in the chair, or even at the table. Yes, I am the woman that chases her child around the house with a forkful of food so he can eat as he plays. Eat as he watches Scott mow the lawn. Eat as he simply wanders around. Because sometimes it works. I'm not proud of it, but I just can't stand to see good watermelon go to waste.

Occasionally, we have 'car picnics' where I pack his lunch and take it with us when we're out and then sit in the back seat with him and cater to his munching whims. He'll often eat almost everything and the only scenery he seems to have is the sky out the back window and my own lovely visage. Speaking of views, while it may not be al fresco dining, Monday breakfast is served while his chair is at the window so he can see the different trash trucks go by. 

Let's face it, when it comes to getting kids to eat, the true motto of motherhood is, "Whatever it takes."