I never

As far as I can tell, only one person reads this blog right now. So Merritt, this one's for you!

When I was pregnant, I remember the superior glee you exhibited whenever I made one of my declarative "my kid's/we're not going to do this" statements. I'm sure you're keeping a scrapbook as each one falls in the hopes of presenting it to G-man one day, thus proving that his parents were indeed bright-eyed optimists, otherwise known as misinformed morons. But in case you missed some, here are the highlights:

Statement: I'm not taking the kid out to eat when he's a baby/toddler

Truth: Um...he goes to restaurants with me. A lot. 

What Happened: What the hell was I thinking?! I like to eat. I have lunch plans with people all the time. And there are many nights that I look in the cupboard and wonder what Carmen's is serving instead. But it's more than me just taking him out; I am the nightmare I wanted to avoid. He throws food. He screams and squirms. He flirts with the wait staff while secretly opening sugar packets on his lap. And yet, we keep going back. But not to everywhere. I really am giving Harry's Country Club a few months to settle back down after our last visit. However, in my defense, if you don't want kids in your establishment, don't offer high chairs.

Statement: I'm going to make all of my own baby food

Truth: I got this one about 50% correct.

What Happened: I really did make a lot of his food! Beets (yeah, they never worked out), peas, carrots, corn, vegetable soup, butternut squash, spinach, peaches, mangoes, asian stir fry and even more actually made it to my handy-dandy baby food maker, into the specially purchased containers, into the freezer, and voila! into the kid. So what about the other 50%? Well, for starters, making the damn food took a lot of time - cook it, puree it, label it, store it, wash the equipment and do over for the next food. All usually on a Sunday night when I was already stressed out. Then there was the question about where to keep it all in the freezer. I don't know about your family, but we've got a ton of frozen foods and little freezer space. I would fill it up with so much food, only to see that it all would only last a week, maybe two. Maybe a bigger freezer would have helped. There was also the question of me never doing some fruits - like I'm going to cook, core, peel and puree an apple? Nope. Finally, there was the issue of portability. I'll admit I enjoyed tossing a few jars in a bag and keeping them on hand for any dining moment. Kind of hard to do with the frozen stuff. You have to actually plan for that. Add to the list cost - it turned out I wasn't really saving too much over buying a jar if I didn't get a good yield out of the foods I bought to prepare myself. And finally, I honestly could not make a lot of the foods as well as the manufactured stuff. Either my consistency or flavor was off.

Statement: We don't need a diaper pail

Truth: Honestly, we don't need one, but had one for a while.

What Happened: You laughed when I said we weren't going to use one! You didn't see me popping out to the bin after each precious movement. We held out for about a month, then broke down and added the Diaper Champ to our family. We had it for a year then realized, we were right to begin with: it's more trouble than it's worth. That's gone, the diapers go out to the trash every evening, and the room smells better.

Statement: I'm not going to be an over-reactive mom

Truth: My motto early on was, "If he's crying, he's breathing."

What Happened: In some ways, I am more protective of him that I thought I would be. I do tend to cater to many of his whimpers, yet have stood calmly by as a kid rode towards him on a trike and smacked into him. I saw it coming, too! I'm wildly, madly in love with him and that shows a lot, yet I'm still a bit practical about how real life should play out.

Statement: I'm going wear gloves to change his diapers

Truth: Never got around to buying them

What Happened: I did mean to get these; diaper changes scared me! But so far, I'm taking the lack of protection in stride. I'm not saying it's not gross, but I seem to be tougher than I thought.

Statement: I'm not going to give the kid any junk food

Truth: He had some brownie just this week.

What Happened: Uh, I just told you he had a brownie. What more needs said?

Statement: He doesn't need new clothes or toys all the time

Truth: He's got a big wardrobe and bigger toy collection.

What Happened: In the beginning, we borrowed everything so it didn't seem that bad. Sure, he had a lot, but we didn't buy it and were doing friends a favor by getting things out of their house. Then we started shopping on our own. There's a lot out there! And now a lot in here. Neither of us can pass up the toy aisle or cute shirt, even if G-man doesn't seem interested. I think it's getting out of hand but seriously, he's bored so I think he needs something new. Right?

I know I'm missing some big ones, so feel free to call me out on them! Oh and as for the stroller we got just because you didn't like it? Still using it!